Friday the 13th: A New Beginning
Starring: Melanie Kinnaman, John Shepherd, Shavar Ross
Writers: Martin Kitrosser, David Cohen, Danny Steinmann, Victor Miller (Uncredited)
Director: Danny Steinmann
****SPOILERS ALL UP IN THIS BITCH****
Years have passed since Tommy Jarvis put the bitch slap on Jason Voorhees, thus ending the hockey masked maniac's Crystal Lake killing spree. He's been shuffled through numerous mental facilities, unsuccessfully relinquishing the after effects of his traumatic experience. Voorhees forever haunts him. Now, he has been transferred to Pinehurst halfway house for troubled teens. On his first day there, one patient is murdered by another, and shit quickly goes downhill after that. All over the rural area of Pinehurst, Jason-like killings start turning up. The police think it really is Jason. A couple of local rednecks hope all of the troubled kids meet their fate. The killings start getting closer and closer to the Pinehurst mental facility. Is it Jason? Has he risen and traveled far and wide to find Tommy? Pfft, fuck no!
Dunno why, but I have always liked the stepchild sequels in a horror series. The ones that are hated largely by others. One man's trash, another man's treasure, I guess. I don't seek out to love these films just to be different; I guess I just don't understand all the fucking hate. Halloween III, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2, Return of the Living Dead 2, C.H.U.D. II... I love the shit out of all these. And this brings me to Friday the 13th: A New Beginning. I enjoyed this film even as a Jason loving kid. It never mattered to me that we had a copy cat killer on our hands. It was still a dude dressed like Jason, walking like Jason, killing like Jason and so on. Moreover, the movie itself has pretty much every element that past Friday the 13th films had. It has some of the coolest kills, coolest chases, and hands down the best set of titties in the entire franchise. Okay, there's not really a lake setting, but so what? The halfway house was a refreshing change, and we still have a woodsy environment in a very apparent small town.
Now, going back to my youngster days, I kinda remember it being relatively easy to figure out who faux Jason was. It isn't exactly hidden from the cameras. That's kinda disappointing. However, there isn't a whole lot of back story given to this character. So, had the film lacked the early on closeup shots of this guys face, the ending reveal of who he is would have been way fucking bewildering. In order to make a successful 'whodunnit' film, there would have to have been some major story altering. In a way, I just think the writers were hellbent on making a fun and simple stalk and slash film. As far as I'm concerned, they succeeded.
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning has so many moments and characters that I consider favorites, so I'm doing this write-up much like my Lethal Weapon review. There's gonna be a big bunch of call outs and pictures of my favorite scenes. Here we go:
- Vinnie and Pete, the greaser dudes. They dress cool as shit, say the word “fuck” a lot and their bickering at one another represents some possible hidden man-love, and I think it's pretty cute. Additionally, Vinnie's death by a road flare to the mouth is severely epic.
- Tommy's ongoing images of Jason still stalking him. This shit is fairly creepy, and has taken a major toll on Tommy's mental state. He sees Jason in bedroom mirrors, outside the window, at the foot of his bed... it's impossible to not feel for Jarvis, and John Shepherd gives a pretty damn good performance of depicting how troubled the character is.
- Lana's tits. Those things are pretty great. Unfortunately, she is severely annoying. Fortunately, her presence is short lived.
- Tina's tits, actually all of her, in general. Good grief, this girl is hot. Crazy hot. She actually seems the most normal at Pinehurst. I mean, from what I can tell, she just likes to fuck a lot. I guess that could be a problem, I dunno. I seriously think Tina is all around gorgeous. Thank you Debi Sue Voorhees, your 4 or 5 minutes in Friday the 13th history are forever etched in my mind.
- Tommy kicking motherfucking ass on a mega level. Holy freaking shit. This mixed with the sadness of the character due to his past makes Friday the 13th: A New Beginning's Tommy Jarvis my absolute favorite. Dude is lethal. He's lifting dudes, throwing them into tables, repeatedly punching them in the face, doing quick thrust punches to the gut, kicking, stabbing in the thigh, screaming out in a rage... goddamn, the dude rules. Pretty sure Chuck Norris ran one of the many halfway houses Tommy stayed at. The trailer park scene where he hands Junior his ass is so obviously a stand in stunt double for Shepherd in parts, but that actually makes the shit more fun.
- Reggie's brother, Demon, singing a “Ooh Baby Vs. Hey Baby” duet with his girlfriend Anita while he pushes enchiladas out of his ass into the crapper.
- Ethel and Junior, easily some of the funnest goddamned characters in the whole franchise. Ethel is about as backwoods as it gets, and Junior is dumb as a stump. Ethel flips off the police and everyone at the halfway house, screams “Hay ya!” or some shit while chopping chickens, tells Junior to eat his fucking slop, spits in a pot of stew, and more. This bitch rules. I love her.
- Robin's tits. Yeah, I like tits of all varieties. I'm a dirty pervy bastard, I know.
- Violet's dance sequence. Violet is my second favorite girl in the film. Love that hairstyle, her makeup, her attitude, and her quirky little rug cuttin' skills. Plus the eerie creeping up of Faux Jason is a fairly intense moment. She's rocking the fuck out to “His Eyes”, so she can't hear his footsteps.
- Pam running around soaking wet. Pam is Matt's sidekick at Pinehurst. She doesn't get naked, but I like the tease of a 'soccer Mom hot' looking lady running around, crawling and falling in the rain with a white shirt on.
- Body flying through a window. A staple in the Friday the 13th franchise. When this doesn't happen in a Friday film, I die a little inside.
- Pam w/chainsaw Vs. Faux Jason w/machete. It seriously doesn't get any better than that.
I don't wanna sum up the Friday the 13th series as 'point-and-shoot' films when it comes to direction, but in a way, they are. Nothing against that; it works. There's some cool sequences up in this bitch, though. The opening has a cool 'in between the legs' shot of Jason's ghetto gravestone. We get a POV-esque shot looking through a flashing police siren. A couple of badass dolly zoom shots: the coolest one being of Tommy when he walks into a barn and sees Faux Jason for the first time --unbeknownst to the fact that it's not really Jason. There's some sick 'up in Junior's face' sequences while he's riding around on his motorcycle crying because Tommy kicked the shit out of him. More POV, this one making the viewer the victim of a hatchet blasting through a kitchen sink window. Classic 'weapon in the air' shots just before they land into some poor bastard. Chase scenes of only people's legs and feet... I dug those quite a bit. Of course, the chase scenes are overall awesome, as they are in damn near every Friday film.
Definitely a ton of cool kills in this entry, and the craziness begins pretty quickly. Machete stomach stabbing, ice pick throat stabbing. An ax to the back that ultimately results in a chopped off arm. Aforementioned road flare to mouth. Machete throat slicing. Ax to the back of a head, ax to the stomach. Machete stab to stomach of pervy guy who is supposed to be cleaning up chicken coop shit --do your fucking job, dude! Giant hedge clippers to eyeballs. Leather strap thrown around tree and dude's face, tightened until it snaps... oof! Crazy spear carnage through aluminum outhouse. I am stopping now, and there's actually more to talk about in this department. Faux Jason is a mother fucking maniac. Shame on whomever doesn't see that.
Final thoughts, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning is one fine entry in the series. Maybe it should have cut off at 4, but fuck it, there was still some fun to be had. I can understand hating the movie for your own reasons, like you just thought it was shitty, but not just because the killer isn't Jason. Who gives a shit? Happy Friday the 13th!
- Jason's name painted on a tombstone... show some respect!
- That's a face of someone not to be fucked with.
- Epic face kung-fu closeups.
- Faux Jason bustin' through the door like a beast in heat. Badass.
- Reggie the Reckless' girl scream.